Be thankful when God says “No”
My favorite holiday is Thanksgiving. I enjoy gathering with family, sharing a good meal, and spending the day unencumbered by the regular demands of life. During the Thanksgiving season, we rightly turn our attention to what we are thankful for. When thinking about what we are thankful for, we generally identify things, people, and events that we have received. You might be thankful for a good gift, a relationship, or an advancement at work. These are certainly worthy of being thankful for, but I think there is something else that we should consider. God certainly blesses and provides by giving good gifts, but He also blesses and provides by what He says "No" to and what He withholds.
Different seasons bring different desires, but the common thread is a desire for what is perceived as better than what you have. When I was a teenager, I very much thought that the kids who were growing up in homes that were more affluent than mine had it better. It seemed that many of them had parents who were much more accommodating to the desires and wishes of their children. Some families, though they attended church relatively regularly, had no problem with spending the weekend at the lake or some other activity that seemed so much more exciting than attending Sunday school and worship. I often felt as though the kids who drove nicer cars were more blessed. I was very envious of those who could spend their Sundays waterskiing while I sat in church. On the issue of church attendance, I employed every argument I could muster to attempt to persuade my parents that missing a Sunday or two would not negatively impact my walk with the Lord. I passionately proclaimed that we were under grace and not under the law. In more desperate moments, I may have even insinuated that my parents were committing the sin of legalism. No matter how passionate I pleaded, their response to my desire to turn my attention away from worship and keeping Sabaoth was “No.” I was not thankful for it then, but the magnitudes of gratitude I feel today are incalculable. There was more grace in what I was not allowed to do than if I had enjoyed the freedoms and provisions I thought were so important.
During my college years, I wondered if the Lord was going to provide a wife for me. There were some moments when heartbreak left me wondering if the hope of marriage was going to illude me. Then, unexpectedly but joyfully, the Lord drew my heart and Dana’s heart together. After one of the first dates we had, I returned to my dorm room and announced to my friend that I was going to marry Dana Warren. Fifteen months later, as we stood before the church and entered into the covenant of marriage, I was deeply thankful for the gift of Dana and deeply thankful for all the times God had said “No” to previous relationships. It is not that anyone I had dated before Dana was bad, but in light of Dana, there was no comparison. The goodness of the blessing that Dana has been in my life overwhelms my heart with thankfulness for all the disappointments and “No’s” I had experienced before the day I sat beside her at a resident life training event in the basement of the Sheffield-Thompson building at Shorter University.
In ministry, there have been disappointments as well. A hoped-for position in the state denomination was denied. I have received the dreaded form letter from pastor search committees indicating that they were no longer considering me as a candidate. And I have had much hoped for church initiatives rejected. In each of these moments, the sting of the “No” was painful. But with time, the wisdom of God was revealed, and the goodness of these disappointments was appreciated. In the moment, I thought I was missing something good. In the moment, I thought that something I should have received was being denied. In the moment, I thought an opportunity was missed. Yet with the blessing and perspective of time, I could see that God had something better, was preparing me for something I could not see then and was providing well for me. Disappointment is bitter, but thankfulness in God’s gracious “No’s”, like a sweet apple pie paired with a strong cup of black coffee, is a delight to be savored.
The greatest testimony of faith found in scripture is Abraham. He was an old man when God made a covenant with him that, among other things, promised to make him a father of many nations. After God initially made the covenant with Abraham many years went by and Abram (his name before God changed it to Abraham) and his wife Sarai (her name before God changed it to Sarah) got impatient and attempted to “help” God fulfill His covenant. Sarai convinced Abram to have a child with her servant, Hagar, and she did indeed bear him a son named Ishmael. Their plan worked, but it did not turn out as they hoped. Immediately Sarai became jealous and contemptuous of Hagar and made life for her so hard that she fled from the home of Abram and Sarai. She would eventually return to Abram’s home and endure the difficulties. For a while, it seemed that Abram had made a way for God’s promise to be fulfilled in his life.
In Genesis 17, God again speaks to Abram to reaffirm the covenant He had made with him and change his name from Abram to Abraham and Sarai’s name to Sarah. As part of this reaffirmation of the covenant, God declared that Sarah would give birth to a son who would be the one who would fulfill the promise that God had made to make Abraham the father of nations. In response to this, Abraham attempted to ask God to use Ishmael instead.
“And Abraham said to God, “Oh that Ishmael might live before you!” (Genesis 17:18, ESV)
But God said “No.”
“God said, “No, but Sarah your wife shall bear you a son, and you shall call his name Isaac. I will establish my covenant with him as an everlasting covenant for his offspring after him.” (Genesis 17:19, ESV)
The Bible does not say, but I wonder if it disappointed Abraham when God said “No” to his request. My guess is that it did. At that point, Abraham was focused on and praying for the wrong thing. He was trying to accomplish God’s work according to his own effort. He was attempting to get things done according to his own timetable. He was attempting to fulfill God’s covenant according to his personal will and wisdom. But he would learn that God only accomplishes His work according to His power. He would discover that God only works according to His timetable, and no matter what it seems like, according to human wisdom, God is never too late. He would come to know that God only works according to His will and never bends to the opinion or desire of man.
I am confident that as Abraham watched the perfect will of God unfold in His life, he often remembered this moment when God told Him “No” with thanksgiving. So, it should be with us as well. Give thanks for what God has said “Yes” to in your life but with even greater joy give thanks for what He has said “No” to as well. When God says “No” it may be hard to receive, but there is no doubt that the blessing will far outweigh whatever you were hoping He would have said “Yes” to.
Years later, when Abraham and his son, Isaac, were standing on top of Mount Moriah offering a ram on an altar to the Lord, Abraham proclaimed the place to be named “The Lord will provide.” I know at that moment he was overjoyed and thankful for all that God had provided for him. I am also confident that he knew then that God’s provision had also been in what He said “No” to. I have no doubt that the thankfulness of his heart that day was as much for the blessings of what God had not given as it was for what He had given. Give thanks to the Lord even when He says “No”. There is goodness and blessing even when God refuses our requests.
Get informed when new posts are published by signing up for the mailing list today.
Check out my weekly podcast
Last week, the Southern Baptist Convention held its Annual Meeting. Gathering in New Orleans, LA, there were nearly 19,000 in attendance. Of these, 12,737 were registered messengers (messengers are similar to delegates) from 4,423 churches. During the two days of meetings, the messengers worked through a packed schedule that included changes to the doctrinal statement of the Convention and a constitutional amendment, among many other things. Southern Baptists are unique in that we have our debates over critical issues in public with the opportunity of any registered messengers to speak. This does not always make for flattering soundbites in the news and sometimes leads outside observers to think that we are contentious and in constant conflict. For those who attend the meetings and participate in the decisions, even in greatly debated issues, we generally depart the annual meeting more encouraged in the work and cooperation of the SBC. Below are some of the more significant decisions of the messengers to this year’s annual meeting.