Three burdens after ten years of ministry
Central Baptist Church, Waycross, GA
I recently read that the average length of service for pastors in Protestant churches in America is about four years. If accurate, it makes sense why so much of the advice to pastors concerning church leadership seems to be directed to the early years of ministry. From seminary professors to denominational leaders, I have often heard encouragements to pursue a long pastoral tenure. These encouragements often included descriptions of the benefits that come from long tenures. In last week's blog post, I wrote on eight blessings I have experienced after pastoring Central Baptist Church for over ten years. But I have also discovered that having pastored here for more than a decade has also brought some burdens. Here are three burdens that have come from pastoring Central Baptist Church over ten years.
Deeper grief over the death of members
Over the course of my pastoral ministry, I have often been near death and dying. I have often been asked to visit those close to death and have preached hundreds of funerals. Often, during the early days of a pastoral ministry, many of the funerals I preached were for people I did not know well. Some funerals were for people who had been faithful church members but were well in the grips of dementia when I first met them. Others were for people who had moved away to live in care facilities near children before I began my ministry. When preaching these funerals, my lack of relationship was undeniable, and any personal words about the person I could share were not my own but given to me by another.
When ministering in these situations, I attempted to comfort the family and preach the hopeful testimony of the gospel, but I seldom personally grieved. It was not that I was not sad for the family. Indeed, particularly tragic events caused me to be more emotionally impacted than at other times, but this is not the same as personal grief. I was able to minister to these families in their time of sorrow without personally grieving.
I first noticed how grief was affecting me differently a few years ago. An older member of my congregation began to experience health issues that necessitated her move into a care facility closer to her children. This move took her out of town, and thus she could no longer attend services here at Central. I missed her greatly and recognized that I grieved her absence. When news came that she had died, my grief was great and lingered for a long while.
Since then, I have noticed that my grief over the death of church members is much more than in years past. Having served the church for over a decade has allowed me the opportunity to develop abiding friendships and genuine love for the members. Often when I preach funerals, I am not eulogizing persons unknown but dear friends, faithful partners in ministry, and a brother or sister who I deeply grieve the loss of.
2. Greater grief over sin
All Christians should grieve over sin. Likewise, all Christians should be heartbroken when someone they know is given over to the destruction that sin brings. But it is no secret that grief and heartbreak over sin are much more significant when the one who is given over to it is one with which you have a personal relationship.
Parents grieve over the sin of their children more than any other. A husband or wife grieves over their spouse's sin more than any other. And I have discovered that the longer my pastoral tenure grows, the more I grieve over the sin of my members.
In every church I have pastored, the church has been confronted by sin among its members. In one church, a man was given over to unrepentant racism. In another church, a woman lived with her boyfriend outside of marriage. In every church I have pastored, there were issues of adultery and fornication. In every one of these situations, my heart broke for the one living in sin and all those affected by the destruction that sin brought. However, as the years have passed and my relationship with the membership of Central has grown, so has my grief over sin. The deeper the relationships, the more intimately aware you are of the destruction of sin.
When I see the wife of the man who abandoned his family and remains an unrepentant adulterer, my heart grieves. When she speaks of the destruction his sin has brought to her children, their home, and her individually, I weep with her. When I pray with the parent who is broken over the sinful rebellion of their daughter, I weep and grieve. I have always grieved sin, but the intimacy that a long pastoral tenure brings has increased my grief over sin.
3. Greater grief when members leave
In the life of a church, members leave for various reasons. Sometimes members leave because of life changes that move them away, like job changes that require a change of location, kids going off to college, or senior adults moving to be near children. Other times members leave because of theological differences, church conflict, or being lured away by another congregation. The longer I pastor Central, the more sadness I feel when members leave.
On move-in day, my freshman year of college, I met Bryan Patrick, who was moving into the room across the hall. We became dear friends. After four years together at Shorter University, we both moved to Texas to pursue graduate degrees at Southwestern Baptist Theological Seminary. After three years in Texas, Bryan completed his degree and took a ministry position in Maryland. When he moved away, I grieved. For seven years, we had never lived further than a block apart. He had been a groomsman at my wedding, and I had been a groomsman at his. I was glad he had the opportunity of ministry in Maryland, but I missed my friend.
Such grief is the cost of enjoying the good gift of close friendship. As my tenure at Central has stretched past a decade, I have experienced similar grief when members with whom I enjoy friendship leave the church.
To be sure, there is a difference between when members leave because the providence of God takes them away from the community and when members leave for more painful reasons. When members leave the congregation because of leaving the community, I am sad for the loss of a friend and ministry partner. Still, the relationship remains a source of encouragement whenever we are able to see one another again. On the other hand, when members leave the congregation for reasons that tear at the integrity of friendship, I am sad for the loss of a friend and ministry partner but also suffer the wound that can only be inflicted by one dear to your heart.
Relationship is the binding element between last week's post and this week's. The greater the relationship, the greater the joys and the griefs. A long pastoral tenure does not guarantee deeper relationships but provides the opportunity. Whatever the burdens, I am forever thankful for the opportunity to pastor Central Baptist Church. The joys and blessings make it well worth the grief and burdens.
