Don’t skip the funeral

DeathFunerals

Sep 23

This past week about 11.4 million people in the U.S. and 32.5 million in Britain tuned in to watch the funeral services of Queen Elizabeth II. There was much in the ceremony that was connected to the symbols and trappings of royalty but what I found most encouraging was how much scripture was read throughout the proceedings. There was an undeniable witness to the gospel.

I had a college professor who often encouraged junior classmen to attend graduation ceremonies even if they had no personal connection with graduates. He reasoned that attending the ceremony of those who had completed their studies would be a needed encouragement to those who were still pursuing their degree. Freshmen enjoy the enthusiasm associated with starting something new. Sophomores are still working through the basic core classes. Juniors are working through the more rigorous classes in their chosen major. They no longer have the excitement of freshmen, and they may not yet have the clarity of purpose of seniors. Attending the commencement ceremonies helps give clarity to the purpose and goal of their academic pursuits. In a grander way, funerals help to provide clarity to the pursuit and goal of our lives. Funerals can be stressful and emotionally difficult, but I think they are important to the church's witness.

The first funeral I ever preached was for a teenager who had tragically drowned while swimming in a river. Finding his body had taken several days, adding additional stress and emotion to the horrible situation. When his body was found, and it came time to plan the funeral service, I found myself in uncharted waters. In better days, the boy's family struggled with abundant dysfunctions. Now with the weight of his tragic loss, the family's dysfunctions were all the more exposed and agitated. I tried my best to be pastoral and give good counsel, but most of the time, I felt wholly inadequate to help this family. When the day of the funeral service came, I met with the family in a back room before the service started. Gathered in the room were several family members who were estranged from one another. The mother of the boy who had died pulled me aside and asked me to help because she feared that a fistfight was about to break out. I put on a brave face, assured her I would do all I could, then quickly stepped out of the room, found the funeral director, and told him that he was needed in the family room. It was not my finest moment. Since then, I have conducted many funeral services, all unique, but none quite as stressful.

I have conducted services where there was standing room only in the church and simple graveside services with less than ten in attendance. I have performed funeral services for beloved friends and faithful church members. And at the request of funeral homes who needed a pastor for funerals they were providing, I have preached funerals for people I had never met. I have been a part of extravagant services with grand flower arrangements, multiple visitations, dignitaries who spoke, unique processions, expensive caskets, limousines, special hearses, and other expensive funeral services. And I have preached funerals that only had the services provided for indigent burials. Each service has been unique, but in everyone, I have preached the gospel of hope in the resurrection of Jesus.

You might think that having a funeral for someone who has died is a given, but I have noticed a curious trend that seems to be immerging of not having a funeral service for the deceased. I have known some families who have not held a funeral service for their deceased loved one nor even run an obituary in the local paper. I am sure that there are factors that are driving this trend. It may be a result of our culture growing more secular and many families having no connection to a local church. It may be that as people live further away from extended family, few family members could or would attend a funeral service. And it may be, given the burdensome cost of funeral services, that many are making an economic decision to forgo a funeral service.

All these reasons and more may be driving the decision of some not to have a funeral service. Still, I want to make a case for why I think you should have a service and even plan for it before you die. So here are four reasons why I think you should have a funeral service and one suggestion for how to plan for it.

1. Funerals can be a gospel testimony

I recently preached a funeral for a lady who, for all the time I knew her, loved the Lord, and was a faithful church member. She was saved as a young girl but, after leaving home, walked away from the Lord for many years. Late in her adult life, she repented and returned to the Lord. Because she spent many years living in rebellion, her life's story includes things that were broken and dysfunctional. She and her family experienced lifelong consequences because of her sin and rebellion. In one conversation I had with her just a few months before she passed, I asked if there was anything I could pray for her. She told me again how many in her family were not Christians and asked that I pray they would come to know Jesus as she had. That became my prayer for her. And when I had the honor to preach at her funeral, I was glad to preach the gospel to her family.

A Christian's funeral should primarily be a celebration of the gospel. Thus, it is a natural opportunity to preach the gospel and celebrate the hope of the resurrection. The great hope of our salvation in Jesus is eternal life with God. We believe this in faith on the day of our conversion and know with sight in the moment of our death. Paul declares with hopeful anticipation that to be "absent from the body is to be present with the Lord." Funeral services may include stories and remembrances about the person who has died; however, if the service is for a believer, it must be primarily about the hope of the gospel.

I hope that in life, you are living a good testimony for Jesus and the hope of salvation. And I hope that in death, your funeral will be an opportunity to make much of Jesus and His resurrection. When you die, there will likely be many who will come to your funeral who do not know Jesus. Therefore, funeral services can be a profitable opportunity to preach the gospel.

2. Funerals can be an opportunity to teach what the Bible says about death

People say strange things when confronting the reality of death. Even the most secular person is struck with the eternal reality of death when they witness it first-hand. I have heard people declare that the deceased become angels, return in some semi-spiritual state to leave signs of their presence, and many other non-biblical imaginations.

There is a false sense of comfort that comes along with these secular imaginations. They sound profound and meaningful, but because they have their genesis in man's imagination, they do not have the weight of truth. As a result, after initially seeming to comfort, they leave you more disillusioned and bewildered.

The Bible has a lot to say about death and the eternity that follows. Some of what the Bible teaches is hard to hear when you are not living right with God. Even so, what the Bible says is truth, and only in this truth do we find real comfort. Funerals should and must be a place where the glorious eternal truths about life, death, eternity, God's judgment, heaven, and hell are declared for the comfort of the grieving and the encouragement of the church.

3. Funerals can be an opportunity to minister to those who grieve

In 2020, when the world was struggling to cope with the COVID-19 pandemic, the advice of authorities was to self-isolate and avoid public gatherings. As a result, many families had only a private graveside service during this period, and some decided to forgo the funeral service altogether. In both cases, the broader community and church family could not participate in the services. At the beginning of the COVID shut down, I remember many in the church being saddened that they could not attend the funeral of a beloved church member and friend. The family had chosen to have a private graveside service. We assured ourselves then that we would hold a memorial service as soon as the shutdowns were lifted. However, the shutdowns lasted much longer than we imagined then, allowing months and now years to pass, and such a service never happened.

Funerals are an opportunity for the family, the church, and the community to gather. They provide an opportunity to minister and be ministered to. When funerals are forgone, many who are grieving lose an outlet to express that grief. It seems that when there is no funeral, there is no closure to grief. It feels as if something is left undone.

As our culture grows more isolated and individually focused, many no longer have community. Many no longer understand the importance of their relationship and responsibility to the community. Funerals minister to many more than the immediate family and are an important and needed part of church life and community life.

4. Funerals are opportunities for the church to minister

Before I preach a funeral, I often visit with the family. This allows me to talk with the family about the funeral service, but it also allows me to spend time with the family. It is not unusual to both laugh and cry during these visits. And it is relatively common for me to meet some family members for the first time. During these visits, I pray, give counsel, and minister to the family. But this is only the start of the church's ministry. Usually, when I visit, church members have already started bringing food by the house. There always seems to be an abundance of food. On the day of the funeral, our church prepares a meal for the extended family, providing an opportunity for them to be together in a relaxed setting.

These acts of service by the church are genuine expressions of love. These things can certainly happen when there is no funeral service; however, the funeral event gives a unique opportunity for the church to minister to the family.

One suggestion: Keep it simple

A funeral can be an opportunity to proclaim the gospel, minister to those who are grieving, and an opportunity for the church to minister without it being extravagant or expensive. I have regrettably witnessed some families making decisions about funeral expenses out of emotion rather than wisdom. This often leads to choosing more costly and unneeded funeral services. So many of the services performed at funerals are niceties but not necessities. Avoid emotionally driven decisions concerning funeral expenses. If you plan your own funeral, you can help your family by indicating services you do not want or the level of service you desire.

And most importantly, focus on the gospel. If you cannot have musicians performing beautiful music, you can proclaim the beauty of the gospel. If you cannot enjoy the luxury of limousines and hearses, you can celebrate that the true treasure is the redemption found in the blood of Jesus. If you cannot afford an expensive casket, flowers, or other funeral services, you can rejoice that what is put in the ground will be raised glorified, never to die again. You need not the accouterments of the world to accomplish these things. All that is required is the word of God and one who will proclaim it.

Whether grand or simple, elaborate or plain, a large crowd or small assembly, do not skip the funeral. Do not miss the opportunity to problem the blessed hope of the gospel of Jesus resurrected victoriously over death.